you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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