i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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