wanna go halves on a baby?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
