I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
