i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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