You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
