I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize