I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
