I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My vagina is very pro this idea
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
