i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
