You're a womanizer and a bitch.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
