I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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