were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
