just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I believe in your delicious
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
