Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
