Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
