Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
