Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
