So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
