Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
