He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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