so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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