I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
