u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
