If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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