just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
