I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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