Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
