Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
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