My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I CAN MOONWALK!
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
