Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
