There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
