I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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