How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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