am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
