dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
