someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
