just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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