It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize