you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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