Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
