Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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