He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
