Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
