hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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