I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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