Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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