Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
