My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize