Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
