Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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