remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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