Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize