I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I want to be your penis for a week.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize