im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
