You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You can't motorboat a personality
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
