the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
