would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
