yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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