I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
