True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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