my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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