Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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