Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
