It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
