Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
