just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
