next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
