It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
