He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
