eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
