There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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